14 comments on “Double Standards in Parenthood…?

  1. Oh, my dear silly liberal friend. Don’t you realize that all that “pro-choice” nonsense you people spew means “Pro-choice for women?” Society has turned into this apologetic place, where we make up for the sins of the past by punishing those who allegedly “benefit.” Let’s face it: being a white, male, Christian is the kiss of death these days. Anybody outside of those groups will have the world handed to them on a silver platter.

    Oh yeah: abortion is murder. But as they start re-writing the rule books, maybe they should say “Abortion is murder, but only if the woman doesn’t make the decision.”

  2. Wow! Awesome conversation piece Dre! I hate to say it, but I don’t have a clear answer for this one. If we women can decide to abort, but the men don’t have a say, his interests clearly aren’t being protected. Yet, that pass is given to women. If the argument can be made that he committed murder by forcing the abortion, it HAS to go the other way if it was the woman making the decision. Yes, he should be charged for tampering with drugs. But murder? You’d have to convict millions of women for doing the exact same thing, especially if they aborted a child the father wanted to keep.

    Man, what a hard hitting post. Welcome back again, guy. Hope to see you posting more.

  3. not only are there double standards, but triple and quadruple standards, depending on who you are and the money you have, etc. you bring up some good points about the double standard rule Andre and even though i don’t advocate abortion, i have to agree with you about the rights. . that being said, i wonder why (1) people don’t use protection so they won’t get pregnant in the first place until they’re ready; (2) talk before they engage in relations about whether they want children, when they want then, etc.; and (3) perhaps talk about the ‘what ifs’ cause if you’re not using birth control/protection, there is the possibility of pregnancy, wanted or unwanted.

    on another note, i’m sure she;s old enough to know any dr would contact you personally with any medical info/medication. even if the dr in this case was the ex-boyfriend’s father, he’s a dr first and legally, would have to contact his patient personally and not thru a boyfriend. what was she thinking? i understand trusting someone, but come on now, i’d never take medicine from ANYONE without my dr contacting me directly with info. furthermore, if the dr gave his son the kill pills, then he should be held liable also.

  4. IMHO, I think that the only right a man has in the matter is to be or not be with the woman. A woman’s body belongs to her and no one but her has the right to decide whether to carry or terminate. V.

  5. “If you can’t trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child?”, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”, “Everyone should pay their ‘fair share’.” We love to take issues and simplify them way beyond their actual complexity. Abortion is complicated, “Fair” is complicated, Gun Law is complicated. Real consideration of an issue should never fit on a bumpersticker. Aborting your child will not completely erase your problem, as much as you may want it to. Some choices are between two bad choices and all choices have consequences. Gay Marriage will have consequences most people have never even considered. Debt is not without consequences. It scares me that most issues are driven by people with the least amount of intellectual curiousity. We should all think more about the ramifications of our actions. Way to drive that point home Dre.

  6. Sorry, Dre. Gotta call BS on this one. Look, dude I agree with some of what you say. Women shouldn’t have sex with a man without knowing if they are on the same page as them if there is a pregnancy? Stupid of her to have not had the discussion before becoming intimate. But all that being said, sorry guys, it IS our bodies and for that reason we get the final say whether or not a baby is made. When you can incubate the child yourself, have at it. This man is an unconscionable monster and should be charged with Murder.

  7. “Women (at least until legislators complete their mission of taking us back to the 1950′s) can abort for whatever reason they want. If I’m not mistaken, a woman’s right to an abortion – which we defend and celebrate – can be independent of the man’s wishes. But how is that not hypocrisy?”

    Greatest point ever.

    • Um, excuse me. But HOW is that the “Greatest point ever”? Can you elaborate, or do you wish to just use some vague three-word response to contribute to the conversation?

    • Uh, did YOU read his comment? Seeing as though you’re probably running off emotions (typical female), you clearly missed it. If a woman can give any willy nilly reason they want to not have a child, men should be afforded the same rights.

    • First off, f*** you. You don’t know me, so don’t talk to me like I’m one of your little playmates. Secondly, men don’t have reproductive rights BECAUSE THEY DON’T REPRODUCE! Once you’re able to start carrying babies, you do whatever the hell you please. Is it fair to the would-be father? Not really. Then again, neither are labor and childbirth. THIS situation is cut and dry criminal. He violated this woman, put her life in jeopardy, and inflicted an emotional wound that will NEVER fully heal.

    • This guy is scumbag for killing a baby, right? So what about when a woman does it? He’s a monster for tricking her into committing abortion, right? So what about when a woman traps a man or WORSE YET, has him raising a child that’s not even his? Women can give any excuses they want to justify having an abortion, right? Why can’t men?

      You answer those questions without all that illogical female emotion, then I’ll start taking you seriously. Until then, continue to be my “playmate.”

  8. I think some of us are missing the most important point here. Regardless of how you feel regarding abortion rights and man’s right to have a say in whether or not a child is born, NO ONE has the right to force a drug on you. Baby or no baby, the act of drugging someone against their will or without their knowledge is dangerous and illegal. If she had died as a result of his drugging, the debate of his rights vs. her choice would be a non-issue. She’d be dead. He’d be a murderer.

  9. Great post, Dre, and good food for thought. Three things:

    1.) It seems that the article posted is actually a separate issue from what you’re asking. The man committed a felony. You don’t dress toxic meds up and tell your victim ‘they’re harmless – go ahead, take them. You’ll feel much better.’ And look how quickly he had access to and used them. Whether or not he’d had time to premeditate this, he knew where to find these pills and exactly what he was going to do with them. Aside from being a misogynist, dude is also a bio-terrorist. He deserves to go to prison.

    2.) I think you’ve asked some great questions here…

    “Why can’t MEN have the same freedom to decide if THEY want the baby? Are men automatically expected to go with the flow of unwanted parenthood, while women are given the choice?

    …and I’d like to disconnect them from the article because I think they definitely stand on their own. I too have pondered questions like these. I believe that a guy should be part of the convo when a woman is expecting and given a voice in the matter but even that has its qualifications. If the pregnancy was the result of a consensual sexual encounter or relationship then yes, I believe a conversation is owed. If the encounter which resulted in pregnancy however, was NOT consensual and she knew the guy then all bets are off – she owes him nothing. Still, if it’s the former situation, having a conversation does not guarantee that she should not go through with having an abortion. That’s the tough part, I know. There’s a certain amount of responsibility the guy has here though. If he has not presented himself as a man who can be responsible (i.e., he’s a scrub who doesn’t have a pot to piss in) she knows she can’t expect responsible help from him,regardless of how much he says he wants her to have the baby. But if he presents himself as a man who will be involved and engaged, and proves himself that he’ll work hard and pull his weight in supportive ways, then I believe he has earned the right to be part of the decision-making process and his vote counts. (I can just hear my fellow feminists screaming at me right now but hold on, I’m not finished.)

    She should still weigh it against what she has going on (i.e., does a child fit right now with her career, life plans, goals, her own health, etc.), and should not discount dad (assuming he’s the responsible kind). Can baby live with dad? (Come on guys, if you want to be part of the decision then no assumptions should be made that children must always go with mom. She has other parts of her life to consider too, you know.) Once a woman has cerebrally made her decision and can weigh the guy’s vote too and this is key – she knows she can count on him – then maybe keeping the baby is a good idea. If she decides this then she can confidently put a plan in place. But if a woman is not assured of his support – and I mean emotionally, physically, and financially – then what is her incentive for keeping the baby? (And when I say ‘support’ I mean regardless of the relationship – you don’t have to partner to parent.) If she is assured of receiving this support from her own family and friends, regardless of the guy’s social location, then she can still make a plan if she chooses to and moving forward with the pregnancy could still work out for her. But it’s all about the support. If guys want to be part of the conversation and have their voice taken seriously, then guys have to take themselves, their responsibilities, and women seriously and convey that to women they may potentially have children with.

    And #3) it seems there’s some stereotyping and woman-blaming (not to mention baiting) happening here from some of the responders. Point is again, if guys want to be taken seriously in decisions like this then they need to take themselves and women seriously. One way to demonstrate that is to have mature discussions about it, even if it’s only on a blog, as it could be practice for real life. Food for thought.

    And ‘Dre, for the record, I think any woman would be lucky to have you as the one she parents with. You’d be an amazing source of support and a great dad. Just sayin’. 🙂 Thanks for a thought-provoking topic. I love your stuff!

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