The other day on Facebook, one of my sisters and my homegirl both hipped me to the latest antics of Bishop (and I use the term very loosely) Eddie Long and this cult parish over at New Life. In some weirdly ostentatious event at his church, Fast Eddie appears to have been coronated by guest speaker Rabbi Ralph Messer. I can’t call this one, so I’ll just let you see it for yourself (it gets interesting and, uh, stupid at around the 4 minute mark):

Got that? Fast Eddie…yes…the same Fast Eddied subjected to highly publicized allegations of sexual abuse and coercion of four young men…is now considered royalty. I haven’t the words.

Actually, I do I have a few things to say, mostly of an inquisitive nature:

(1) I’m sorry. But how is this not exalting a person of God? And where is this justified in the Bible? I forget.

(2) I can’t help but wonder how much Fast Eddie and his church paid this so-called “Rabbi” to do this mess.

(3) If the whole sex with boys thing isn’t enough for people to stop going to that damn church, will this? My guess is, not likely. In fact, evidence by all the people cheering and marveling at this coonery, I’m pretty sure he added a few members. Sigh. I know.

(4) Do they really expect us to believe that’s a real scroll? They know good and damn hell well they got that mess printed at Kinko’s.

(5) Carrying a throne? Really? What kind of hot mess is this?

(6) I wonder if Fast Eddie got aroused during all that talk about foreskin and raising stuff up (at the 1 minute mark). OK, let me stop.

Apparently, Fast Eddie has apologized for the event, but not because of the “crowning” itself, but because it may have attacked certain Jewish sensibilities:

I’m not Jewish and I don’t know much about the practice. So I’ll defer to them on that aspect of this story. But I will say as a Christian (particularly, but not limited to, being a member of a predominately black church), I’m concerned about how dangerous it is that church members erroneously elevate many of these so-called leaders to the status of God Himself. None of us are sinless, I get that. And I believe God is able and willing to use any one of us to advance His kingdom, despite our shortcomings. But this display is nothing short of flamboyance, arrogance, and nose-thumbing at God. Whether or not this was a deliberately orchestrated event to “restore” Fast Eddie to the ministry and bolster his embattled status, this nonsense was still wrong on every level possible.

What the heck is in the [holy?] water down there?