5 comments on “Accepting Pains

  1. I think you are spot on. It is the same thing when someone experiences grief when someone they love dies. It is healthy to express the grief and to work though it but it is important to walk in the sun again at the end of that period. It is neither healthy for us to have not expressed our grief nor to allow our grief to control us for longer periods. Breaking up with someone that you have loved is not too different from that. It is still a real loss.

  2. This is soooo “touchy-feely” and I don’t do “touchy-feely”! OK, I TRY no to do it, but, inevitably, it touches my life and i have no choice but to comply, so, here goes.

    Sometimes I hate being old – there is wisdom here but no one really wants to hear it. People go through so many things and welcome the chance to pass that experience along to others so that others may be able to face what is ahead without making the same mistakes that we have made. Unfortunately, most folks don’t want to believe that – the pain is so immense. So many times I tell my kids “the answer” and they shrug their shoulders. Later, they see the light, but, during it all, it’s hard to believe that anyone has a real answer to their dilemmas.

    Point is that I’ve had my heart broken many times and the pain was, indeed, seemingly unbearable. As time passed, it was like water under the bridge. You’ve faced the hardest part – admitting that the pain is there. It WILL pass.

    I always try to remember that it was “she” that hurt me and not the next woman to come my way and try to take special care not to blame that “next woman” and cause her unnecessary heartache. In the same light, by doing so, one’s heart remains open and ready to accept new love. Don’t give up.

    Had a lot to say, but, now, it sounds like I’m rambling. You’re not alone and the offers stands – I’m always here to lean on.; Hang in there. Peace.

  3. Dre, I was reading your post and it caused me to do a lot of self-reflection. Before I met my husband, I experienced a heartache very similar to what you’re describing. And I can tell you, it DOES get better if you keep your eyes and heart focused on God.

    To address your questions/observations about pain: it’s pretty simple when you think about it. God has made us dependent on other people. We need companionship, acceptance, approval, recognition and many other things that are provided to us through relationships with people. Whenever these needs are violated in some way, we can suffer great personal pain. Bad relationships can lead to the most severe forms of emotional damage. So I understand exactly where you are right now.

    But I think it’s important that you forgive her for the pain she has caused. I don’t know the extent to which you have violated one another, but forgiveness is the key. It is one of the standards by which we live as Christians. So, release the pain all you feel like you need to, but it’s CRUCIAL that you forgive her, regardless to what she did to you. Anything short of that robs you of the opportunity to truly heal.

  4. Co-signed 100% Joanne! Very well put. I admit, forgiveness is something I really feel the Lord is calling me to do, as I have been hurt a lot by people myself. At the end of the day, I realize though that it’s holding me back from reaching my potential in Christ. A friend offered a great analogy once: it’s like a huge knotted ball buried deep within the pit of my stomach and I need to untie it one knot at a time and very slowly.

    Dre, I sincerely pray that one day you will be set free from this and will be able to forgive her (while loving yourself in the process. You’re a pretty cool brotha from what I’ve gathered). You don’t want to be an old man still harboring on what happened years ago. You’re better than that.

  5. Dre, I love you. Nooo, not like that! But in following your blog, I feel like I’ve walked right beside you. Thanks for sharing some of your innermost thoughts and feelings on matters that would be sealed up by other people. I feel like I know you like a brother.

    And like a loving sister, I would tell you that you need to let this go. Closure is the most important thing in the world to healing. Just like God allows us to reconcile ourselves to Him after we betray Him, we should be able/willing to do the same for others. Whatever your ex did to you, was it worse than betraying the Son for some piddly coins? Was it as bad as blantantly denying Him on three seperate occasions? Is it anything like the sins we commit against God every single day of our lives? We tend to think that because God is God, He is not as affected or hurt by our actions as we are when other people do us wrong. I disagree. I think we hurt God everything we do something wrong. But yet, He calls our name. Time and time again.

    You’re correct about the importance of accepting pains. But you also need to find a way to close them out.

    I pray that God’s love will sustain you during this tough time.

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