30 comments on “Wanted: More of THESE parents!

  1. Thank you, Dre!!! One of the phrases that hate most in the English language is “time out”. Are we playing a game here?! Sure, there needs to be in place at all times something to prevent parents from abusing children, but, sparing the rod is not one of them. Like you, I got my own “exorcisms” when I was a child (extension cord rings SUCH a bell) and I am all the better for it. The only “time out” we got was enuf time to pick our teeth up from the floor. Good job. Peace.

    • “The only “time out” we got was enuf time to pick our teeth up from the floor.” I think my stomach just burst! LOL!!!

  2. I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!

    I’m with blackstarr: these videos were amazing, refreshing, amazingly refreshing!

    My parents wouldn’t let me come within 100 feet of either a cell phone OR a boy until I was 18, and I think I turned out pretty OK. If I was in a situation even remotely similar to one of the kids in these clips, my parents (mom, especially) would smack me around until their hands hurt and THEN smack me again for making them hurt! LOL!

  3. These days parents are trying to be friends with kids and not firm figures of authority. I see parents trying to control their kids’ behaviors by negotiating with them. Well, my parents negotiated with me, too. They told me to get my act together or wind up on the floor. Usually I picked the former.

  4. as with anything in life it is all relative… Is McDonalds bad for you or is it not? The simple answer is of course that it depends on the quantity one eats… the sam ewith smacking… is the person who is dishing it out coming from a constructive organised approach to discipline where a child cannot understand or are they just venting their own inabilities and short comings and realeasing their anger… the first is acceptible and the second is not.
    I have always been a pro smacker and believe the softly softly approach has been the roote cause for the decline in our society in the behaviour of minors. That said my children were smacked when they were very young (on their hand) then as they got older it was a shout and now they are 7 and 10 they only require a look…. they understand when dad says no it means no… I can take them out to restaurants and friends houses for dinner etc and they are mannerly and always applauded on their behaviour…. I always tell them how proud i am of them and i always tell them how much i love them we share affection and a kiss and a cuddle is a must at least 10 times a day…. all this is possible because they were brought up in a loving family where smacking WAS part and parcel! I have much more to say on the subject but maybe I will just start my own blog. LOL!

    • My son is 25, daughter 23. The last time I physically disciplined them was when my son was 6, never had to get physical with daughter. I think she saw what would happen and decided not to go that route. After that time, all that was ever needed was “the look”. Peace.

  5. Our belief has always been that undesirable behavior deserves undesirable consequences. Misbehavior in our home resulted in the child being sent to his room and allowing him to contemplate the misdeed. After sufficient time for him to dwell on it, one parent would go into the bedroom and talk with the child. The talk would consist of asking the child what he did, why it was wrong, waiting for him to apologize (this sometimes takes awhile) and telling him the number of swats he would be receiving. Then the spanking. Then we would pray together, hug and let him know he was loved.

    As our son got older the same process would take place except there would be no spanking.

    We felt the spanking was important when he was young and did not have the ability to rationalize his behavior. The spanking would help him remember that misbehavior has consequences. As he matured the spanking was not necessary because he developed the ability for rational thinking.

    This is our personal testimony of how we reared our son. He is now married with 4 children of his own. He is a faithful husband, loving father, hard worker and God-fearing, church going man. He and his wife use the same training with their children.

    They have 2 teenagers and 2 nearing teens and all 4 of them are loving, caring young people. They are well-adjusted, home-schooled, and well-behaved. We have had no rebellion issues and I think that speaks for itself.

  6. I definitely believe that spanking could be seen as an effective discipline, depending on what kind of child you have. There are some children where no matter how many times you spank them, they will not follow your lead as a parent. Right or wrong, they will do what they want to do…good or bad. This kind of child might probably respond better to conversing and reasoning vs. spanking. I know “reasoning” with a teen may seem to be impossible, but again, depending on what kind of child you have, it may not be so far fetched.

    Then, there are some children who will respond to spankings. Now, there are ways to spank your children without being abusive. I, myself do believe in a “good pop” here & there as long as we don’t do it out of anger. Spanking your child out of anger could lead to some heavy hitting. That is what we don’t want. None of us parents really like to spank our children because it really does make us feel bad, but sometimes, it is necessary.

    I say, really take a look at what kind of child you have and then take it from there.

  7. As a child I was BAD AS ALL GET OUT! My parents tried mixed methods with me, including lectures and in house restriction as their primary forms of punishment. Not only were these methods of discipline ineffective … I clearly remember laughing and joking with my friends about how “easy of a stretch” it was. My parents were, for the most part, unaware that this form of punishment was relatively meaningless to me. To this day I couldn’t tell you the exact transgression that earned me these minor punishments. However … there were also times when I crossed the lines of propriety in a big way, and my reward for my acts was a good old fashioned belt whoopin’. Opposite to those groundings, I remember EXACTLY what I did to earn those whoopin’s!

    My father was always emotionally under control when he used the belt, never cruel, but firm. After the crying was done we would always sit and talk about what I had done to earn the spanking, and at what I should have done instead. As I recall he always ended our talks with the same phrase “I’m not doing this because I hate you. I’m doing it because I love you. I’m sure we all heard that, but I know it was true with him.

    About 10 years ago my father and I were talking when he was close to dying. From the very bottom of my heart I thanked him for caring enough to teach me right from wrong, and most importantly that not only as a child, but, as an adult as well I would in fact be held ACCOUNTABLE for my actions! Without those painful lessons I was certainly headed for trouble with the law. As I told him these things he smiled one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen on his face, tellimg me he had worried for years that I might not have understood why he disciplined me like that.

    The whoopin’s hurt. But I understand why I got them and I thank my Dad for making me a better man for it.

  8. It’s never okay to spank children. EVER! There are countless studies that show the long term psychological damage it can cause.

    Why is it that hitting an animal is called cruelty, hitting an adult is called battery, and hitting a child is called discipline?

    The reason adults defend their parents who spanked them as a children is because it’s painful to admit that their parents the ones who should have protected them did something terribly wrong. We all see our parents as the most important people in our lives and if we admit that they’ve done us wrong or are pathological, we too might be faulty or damaged goods. It’s a defense that protects us from feeling abandoned – so we defend our parents no matter what wrong they’ve done…It’s hard to admit, but it’s true.
    I have a hyperactive and very difficult child myself, I have never spanked him. I take the extra time to set limits and show him what’s expected. Parenting is not a time to be lazy or think that any LEVEL of violence is okay to impose on the human body…

    As children become adults they adopt some of the positive qualities from their parents. If you were spanked and feel you turned out to be a good person, It’s NOT BECAUSE OF THE SPANKINGS. Many of us who were spanked on occasion are great successful people – but it’s in spite of the spankings, NOT BECAUSE OF THEM.

    • I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m even more sorry for the children you either have or will have, if you hold that kind of attitude.

      I help parents understand that there are better ways of teaching children how to be cooperative – Fear and aggression are not effective. The true meaning of the word discipline means to guide. Guidance means to teach. When we punish children, we leave out the guidance.

    • I feel as though the type of discipline needed by each child varies. There are some children who respond favorably when they’re put into time out or have a privilege taken away. Others could care less, and need a bit more of a physical punishment.

      Marissa, you have anectdotal evidence from several people here saying spankings worked for them. Who are you to tell them otherwise? I’m not trying to be mean here, I’m just pointing out a pretty simple observation.

    • I agree – HOGWASH!! Fortunately, it’s all about opinions and not fact. You have absolutely no facts to back this up. I am living proof, as are others who were disciplined physically. Being exposed to an extension cord showed no shortcomings of my parents, nor did they make me feel inadequate in any way. I see all kinds of kids today getting the proverbial “time out” and I wonder which of them will be the one who pulls a gun on someone later in life and which will be the one in and out of jail all of their lives – absolutely no sense of right and wrong or self-discipline.

      However, I applaud your boldness for speaking up for what you believe. Peace.

    • You all talk about anecdotal evidence? Well I’ve got some of my own. MANY people I’ve talked to about this have sided with me. From my experience, children learn good behavior by imitating good behavior. Children learn morals, values and compassion from their parents AS PARENTS and not as abusers. To prepare children to enter into a healthy adult life with valuable skills, practice teaching him or her how to negotiate, how to compromise, the value of self motivation and how to successfully and non-aggressively resolve conflicts.

      For those of you with young children (or if you know people with young children) I recommend non-aggressive alternatives.

      I’m not sure why everybody’s so aggressive with me just because I don’t advocate using force. But then again, if you’re all so used to handling things with aggression, I guess it makes perfect sense.

      • The problem, Marissa, is when you try to make all physical punishments abuse. There are SIGNIFICANT differences between the two. Abusers do so out of hate and spite, while discipline is carried out out of love. They’re not the same.

      • My only point is there are ways to punish children without ANY physical force. For example, here are some tips I give others for effective discipline:

        – Trust your child to do the right thing within the limits of your child’s age and stage of development.

        – Make sure what you ask for is reasonable.

        – Speak to your child as you would want to be spoken to if someone were reprimanding you. Don’t resort to name-calling, yelling, or disrespect.

        – Be clear about what you mean. Be firm and specific.

        – Model positive behavior. Don’t practice “Do as I say, not as I do”

        – Allow for negotiation and flexibility, which can help build your child’s social skills.

        – Let your child experience the consequences of his behavior.

        – Whenever possible, deliever consequences immediately, and in response to the rule broken

        – Emphasize the positive.

        Trust me, these work.

      • Has it ever occured to you that you can do all that AND still spank a child? Sheesh.

    • Marissa, I may be unpopular too for saying this, but I agree 100%! From the sounds of it, you seem very good at handling children.

      I studied child psychology in college and have read plenty of studies showing how smacking is bad for a child. Using your physical strength to intimidate is abuse, plain and simple. I’ve witnessed children who have responded amazingly to what some of Marissa has been saying. How is that a bad thing?

      What if more adults resorted to using cognitive methods instead of trying to whip the life out of people?

  9. I’ve got no problem knocking a kid the hell out! Anybody who thinks otherwise needs a whooping too.

    There’s a major difference between whooping a child and abusing them, which is good. Because most of these brats need to at least get popped. Timeouts are a joke. If I ever raised my hand to my parents, backtalked, or got as out of control as some of these kids today? You’d find me buried somewhere out in the backyard. Your right. Parents are soft these days.

    • Right! LOL! I thank my parents for spanking me and my siblings when we were growing up. Their motto (one that I’ve picked up myself for my own kids) is that I need to discipline my children so that the world won’t.

      • Hi Cynthia,
        I have also thanked my parents. Can I have permission to use your quote?

      • Hi thehc,

        Please! Quote away! After all, I got it from my mother…and I’m sure she got it from hers. My parents and grandparents grew up in a time when getting “out of line” could’ve easily had you hanging from a tree. And though it isn’t nearly as bad today, the same rules are in effect.

  10. I am not to afraid to admit that I spank my children.. Always have and swore I don’t care how old they are if they need a whoopin they will get it!! My oldest child has had either his behind or his hand smacked more times than I can count. He is also a straight A student and has received the Presidential Award for Accedimic Excelence.

  11. What a great dialogue on such an important subject! Every parent involved is obviously concerned not only with their own kids, but what is best for all kids in general and the society they will be part of in years to come. It is interesting to me that several of us have responded to this topic ( myself included ) leaning passionately to one side of the debate or the other. We live in such a polarized world … everything from politics to religion, how we raise our kids to who makes the best cars … we tend to view our own personal beliefs as absolute truths, and those who oppose our views as absolutely wrong. My experience has convinced me that, for the most part, the best answer lies somewhere between one extreme view and the other! Kudo’s to Adrian, Patti, Lisa, and Eva who speak of a flexible, multi dimensional approach to their childrens unique personal needs! Nobody knows or understands a child better than that child’s own concerned and caring parent. I would go on to add … that for us as parents we owe it to ourselves to do what we truly believe in our own hearts to be right for our children, and hold ourselves accountable for the end result, I cannot imagine the guilt I might feel if, being torn on the subject, I took the advice of some self proclaimed expert when it went against what felt right in hy heart.

    Just another point or two … when my daughter was around three years old she would be right on my wife’s heels while she was cooking dinner. We constantly told her about the dangers, we scolded her about how she needed to listen and do as we told, and we would pick her up and carry her out of the kitchen. All she wanted in the world was to show us she was big enough to handle a big pot on the stove. The more we insisted she stay out … the more she dug her heels in wanted to ” show us”, this went on for weeks. Due to the fact that she was a girl, and particularly sweet, we did not wish to use spanking as a means of discipline! One night, with my wife and I both in the kitchen she made a surprisingly quick move to the stove, on the stove was a two quart pot of water … at a full rolling boil! I snatched her up just as her little hands reached the handle … her reward for her behavior was two firm swats on the fanny ( reinforced by yet another talking to) … to this day she has never reached for another pot on the stove. Lesson learned!

    Many years ago when my niece was young I would often take her to the local playground where I befriended a father who had 3 boys and a girl. His boys he had no problem with spanking, and they seemed to be well behaved and respectful, however his daughter was his ” lil princess ” and he couldn’t bring himself to spank her. I found this out when he told me she had developed a real curiosity about matches … and fire! She had started several small fires in her house which were discovered early and put out with minimal damage, but she had also started a fire in a neighbors tool shed and burned it to the ground! I was young and naive at the time so I just threw out the comment ” I’d have whipped her lil butt ” and that’s what prompted him to speak on the subject. Several months later there was a major fire in this family’s home … all got out safely, but, they lost everything!

    I wonder what it’s like for a young girl to carry that kind of guilt …

    There are at least a few things kids need to understand right from the very start!

  12. I think it depends on the child. Spanking worked for my oldest dd. I would swat her butt once and she would never want to do whatever it was that earned the swat.

    My youngest could care less-so time outs and taking stuff away works much better for her.

  13. “Spare the Rod, spoil the child.” I grew up getting spanked and so do my children. I didn’t suffer because of it. I knew that my parents meant business. I also respected them more because I knew if I acted up I would be punished. My kids also know that I mean business when I say No. I want them to grow up and know right from wrong.

  14. Love, love, LOVE this post!
    Probably the only thing I would add is that we have to get out of this “children don’t need a fathers” bulls**t. Look at the stats on cross-gender parenting (which very few people are aware of). Abuse, drug addiction, divorce. gangs. death all follow. Until about three, all children need their mothers more. After that, daughters need their mothers, sons need their fathers. “Male role models” outside the parents seldom, seldom, work. Unfortunately, this doesn’t fit well with the Gay agenda (because of the lack of gender diversity), so the media and popular culture ignores it.

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