Man! It seems like an eternity since my last go ’round with this here blog. I’m not even sure where to begin. I’ve missed several key bloggable moments over the past few weeks which I could probably still discuss. But I think I’ll chalk this up as a loss and start fresh. This is one of the problems with taking a break, I suppose.
In my triumphant return to the blogosphere, this post won’t feature anything currently transpiring in the political world, though there’s plenty to talk about. I won’t be addressing any social issues. There won’t be any indictments of my cousins ‘nem to be found in the post. Nope. This post hits a little closer to home.
For starters, I’m happy to announce that – despite all the trash-talking I’ve done about relationships over the years – the humble narrator of this blog is now in a relationship himself! *Tear* I’m currently dating a wonderful woman who is turning out to be everything I could have ever imagined, in spite of the fact that I all but acquiesced to the idea that I would never date again. Over the past few weeks however, I’ve been taken aback more than I had even been in my entire dating life up to this point. Now, I won’t go into too much detail with our relationship at the present moment, but I will say this particular post is motivated by an interesting conversation we had recently. Check it.
The other night we were discussing the notion of platonic relationships; specifically whether a platonic relationship could exist between us even if a romantic relationship failed (I should point out here, that we were not entertaining the possibility of a breakup. It was more like gauging our relationship at the present. At least, that’s what I gathered). It suprised me somewhat to discover that she doesn’t have even the slightest interest in having a platonic relationship with me. After all, we share many of the same interests, have personalities that fit almost too perfectly, and are virtually the same age. Why would she ever think we couldn’t be friends? But after having a chance to mull over it a bit, I’ve come to understand exactly what she meant.
The facts are inescapable: if exposed to certain social and environmental conditioning, male and female relationships absolutely CAN NOT survive long enough to be classified platonic. At one point or another, one or both parties in said relationship will succumb to an inevitable attraction, be it sexual, emotional, spiritual or otherwise. Don’t argue with me. I know these things. Research is what I do. Consider the following:
1. Generally speaking, with an involved relationship including one man and one woman (where significant time is invested), at least one of them is looking for more than a friendship. What may appear on the surface to be a safe and banal relationship transcending physical desires is IN REALITY a relationship which will invariably lead to an ackward revelation; often commencing with the dreaded words “Why haven’t we ever dated?” To believe anything else to the contrary suggests to me an alarmingly blind subscription to thinking which falls outside the purview of natural law. Simply put: I’m correct on this one, the research has my back, and if you can’t see that, you’re hopelessly lost. 🙂 Before, I was willing to capitulate to the idea that friends in certain social cirlces (i.e. at church, in school, at the office, etc.) could be an exception. I mean, I’ve made some great female friends in some of the aforementioned places myself. In fact, one of my best friends on the planet is female (what’s up Jos!). But could I spend every waking moment with them having no romantic interest AND have them reciprocate that feat at the same time? Very unlikely. Impossible, in fact.
2. Outside of perhaps me, no single person on the face of this Earth would ever voluntarily spend a significant portion of their life with a person of the opposite sex without an expectation of a graduated relationship. Of the 6.8 billion people currently taking up residency on this rock – many of whom are desperately single – who in their right mind would waste day after day, night after night with the same person without any rings and vows being exchanged? Women especially are just simply unable to gravitate towards a man who has zero interest in with her. This theory is tried and true. No woman wants to be in a long-term, time-consuming relationship where their feelings are unrequited. I dare you to argue with that.
There is only one circumstance that could blow my theory right out of the water. And that’s if both the man and woman in question are involved in relationships and still decided were allowed to maintain their platonic relationship. But let’s be honest here: how many people would be OK with their mate spending more time with a person of the opposite sex who was NOT them? Recall, a requirement of a platonic relationship is spend a sizable amount of time with another person. You show me a person who says they would freely allow their mate to spend a lot of time with a person of the opposite sex, and I’ll show you a person full of s**t. I was pleasantly suprised to hear my girlfriend tell me that she’d give me space if my boys and I were watching the game (mostly, because she doesn’t like football. But I won’t hold that against her). But I’d be out of my damn mind if I expected her to be so charitable if that same time was spent with another female or group of females.
Trust me when I say these observations are from personal experiences. I’m not making any of this up. Even my man Biz Markie’s with me to a large extent. That said, please mark my words: in twenty years or so, don’t be surprised to see a platonic couple on display. Most likely though, they’ll be in a gallery at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.”