Misconceptions of Equality

Right in time for Black History Month…

I have a confession to make. When people try their hand at being racially and culturally open-minded diversity, there tends to be a certain level of abject capitulation and annoyance on my end. On the one hand, I really DO appreciate any efforts folks make to be “colorblind.” But at the end – and I think many other minorities would agree – acknowledging (and celebrating) our differences is equally as important.

I suspect however, that out of fear of being labeled racist, pointing out racial and cultural differences amongst groups is a practice often avoided. When it IS done, it’s usually so absurd that it almost becomes offensive (for instance, I got a huge chuckle out of a strip from the Boondocks when Huey’s liberal teacher was trying to show his appreciation for Black History Month. During his lecture, the teacher uses a ridiculous line to the effect of “You can’t spell African without “I Can.” Egh. I had a teacher like that too. Drove me nuts). For a frame of reference, consider Exhibit A:

No two ways about it: we are all different. The pursuit of “equality” would have you believe we are the same, but we are not. Sure, we share similar qualities and – in some cases – characteristics. But that is not the same as being equal. When Thomas Jefferson first coined the “All men are created equal” line, I suspect he was pointing out the worth and quality of a person, not the physical and temporal similarities people may have (making it a little ironic that the same mentality that produced a document like the Declaration of Independence could also justify slavery and the 3/5 Compromise. But I digress.). Equality had nothing to do with physical properties, wealth, affluence, intelligence, or any number of attributes. Instead, it points out the fact that as living, breathing beings, we all have worth. That is not the same as declaring that people are the same.

To put it in simpler terms, consider the following example, since I’m a huge sports fan. In basketball a free throw is one point, any shot from inside the three point line is worth two points, and anything outside of that line is worth three points. These rules apply to any team, whether they are the league champions or the losers at the bottom of the ladder. Though the teams are very different in terms of their personnel, uniforms, athletic abilities, facilities, operating budgets, fan bases, win/lose records, etc. they are all equal under the rules and the spirit of the game.

So in order to avoid the temptation of tossing my computer out the window when I saw the clip, I had to pound the differences between equality and similarity into my head. Believe me: it was HARD! I mean, you saw how ridiculous that clip was. It was so bad, I felt compelled to find the show’s producer and smack him in the face with a shovel. Using unambiguous and bland stereotypes to make a point should be avoided at all costs. Still, at the end I also recognize that we tend to needlessly get riled up any time racial differences are pointed out…even if there was NO hint of racist intent in said demonstration. The song in the above clip was clearly trying to convey that we are all equal in God’s eyes, even when we are not the same. That can’t be too bad of a message…even if the delivery sucked something awful. Right?

What say you?

– ACL

The OTHER King

A little something from Martin Luther King, Jr. No, not the fuzzy, feel good “I Have a Dream” King. No, sir. I’m talking about the other King:

I am convinced that if we are to get on the right side of the world revolution, we as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. We must rapidly begin the shift from a “thing-oriented” society to a “person-oriented” society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered.

A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. On the one hand we are called to play the good Samaritan on life’s roadside; but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life’s highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it is not haphazard and superficial. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring. A true revolution of values will soon look uneasily on the glaring contrast of poverty and wealth. With righteous indignation, it will look across the seas and see individual capitalists of the West investing huge sums of money in Asia, Africa and South America, only to take the profits out with no concern for the social betterment of the countries, and say: “This is not just.” It will look at our alliance with the landed gentry of Latin America and say: “This is not just.” The Western arrogance of feeling that it has everything to teach others and nothing to learn from them is not just. A true revolution of values will lay hands on the world order and say of war: “This way of settling differences is not just.” This business of burning human beings with napalm, of filling our nation’s homes with orphans and widows, of injecting poisonous drugs of hate into veins of people normally humane, of sending men home from dark and bloody battlefields physically handicapped and psychologically deranged, cannot be reconciled with wisdom, justice and love. A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.

America, the richest and most powerful nation in the world, can well lead the way in this revolution of values. There is nothing, except a tragic death wish, to prevent us from reordering our priorities, so that the pursuit of peace will take precedence over the pursuit of war. There is nothing to keep us from molding a recalcitrant status quo with bruised hands until we have fashioned it into a brotherhood.

We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked and dejected with a lost opportunity. The “tide in the affairs of men” does not remain at the flood; it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is deaf to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residue of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words: “Too late.” There is an invisible book of life that faithfully records our vigilance or our neglect. “The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on…” We still have a choice today; nonviolent coexistence or violent co-annihilation.

And if we will only make the right choice, we will be able to transform this pending cosmic elegy into a creative psalm of peace. If we will make the right choice, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our world into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. If we will but make the right choice, we will be able to speed up the day, all over America and all over the world, when “justice will roll down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

As a reminder, if we really want to honor the legacy of Dr. King, remember that there was a time that he was considered one of America’s greatest threats.

– ACL

Friend Zone. Population – YOU

Oh baby YOU got what I n-e-e-e-d! But you say I’m just a friend. But, you say I’m just a friend…

“I think we should just be friends.” – Random woman

“At this point in my life, I already have enough friends. I don’t need any more.” – Smart guy

This one’s for the homeys. Sure, you might be able to reverse the roles on this one and apply it to womenfolk as well. But the following is a phenomenon that – in my experience – has mostly been exclusive to the fellas. I hope you brought your pencils. You’ll need to take a lot of notes.

I have reason to believe that one of my boys is in the infamous “friend zone.” For the uninitiated, the friend zone is a platonic level of friendship that has roughly a zero percent chance of graduating to something more romantic. For men looking for love and companionship (more of us than what society would have you believe), being a resident member of the friend zone is a fate worse than death. I’ve been there myself, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Actually, I probably would…but for the sake of illustrating how epically messed up it is, let’s just say for today I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

Anyway, since I’ve been married now for a whole five months and I’m officially the expert on all matters of the heart, allow me to provide you with a few warning signs that you’re in the friend zone, and probably won’t be moving out of it any time soon:

1. If your friend, intentionally or not, freely mentions other people she’s been with (up to, and including, sexually). OK, this one should be pretty obvious. Yet, it’s often the most overlooked sign. Unless she unintentionally mentions other men around you (and trust me on this one, it’s NEVER unintentional), take it as a sign that not only is she uninterested in a relationship with you, she’s likely trying to scare you off. Save yourself the trouble and leave her alone.
2. She says she’s not interested in relationships right now. This is one of the greatest tricks ever pulled, probably a close second to the Devil convincing the world that he doesn’t exist. When she says she’s not ready to be in a relationship, please understand that it’s not that she’s uninterested in relationships as a general concept. Instead, that’s her polite way of saying she’s not interested in YOU. There’s a difference, and it’s important for you to know that.
3. She’s “too busy” for a relationship. For any Bible-thumpers out there, you’ll know that 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 lays out a litany of things that love is. Love is patient, love is kind. Etc. You know the bit. You’ve seen the cutesy-wutesy wall art. But one thing love is not, is “busy.” Yet, womenfolk have mastered the art of making a relationship something that can be trumped by other things. “I’m busy with the kids”, or “I’m trying to concentrate on my studies” or “I have to focus on my career” are each brilliant lines she can reach for to keep you in your lane. I mean, outside of total losers, which of us wants to be painted as the inconsiderate jerk who asked their lady friend to become less busy to make room for us? Nobody. That’s who.
4. Anytime you two hang out, she looks like a cyclone just hit her. On top of that, she doesn’t care. Unless you’re actually in a relationship with the woman, there is no way in hell she’ll let you see her at her worst, unless – of course – you’re in that friend zone. As obsessed as most women are about their appearance, the only guys that will see her looking a mess are the ones she’s with (boyfriends, husbands, and jump offs alike) or the ones she’s doesn’t care to attract. That, sir, would be you.
5. Any praise and admiration you give her will receive a bland and tepid response. If she’s interested in you, virtually any compliment from you will give her the willies. If she’s not interested in you, expect the same kind of tepid response you’d give to that one co-worker who brought you a stale fruitcake as a Christmas gift.
6. She kills you with the “b” word. When Devon Miles (from the 2002 movie Drumline) expressed his anxiety about using the “b-word”, he was referring to the term “boyfriend.” For any dudes currently stuck in the friend zone, the “b-word” in question is “brother”; as in “I love you like a brother.” Kiss. Of. Death. The only place where being loved like a brother could still translate into a meaningful relationship is Kentucky. And maybe Florida. But in any other part of the world, being labeled a brother-type is a sure sign that you have no shot with her.

There you have it. I’m quite sure there are several more signs to look for. But these are evidence-based red flags. Pay attention. It’ll make your stay in the friend zone far more tolerable.

Once again, please make checks payable to Andre C. Louis.

– ACL

Resolving Problems Face-to-Facebook

Show of hands: how many of you have ever been in a dispute with another person? OK, OK. I saw quite a few hands go up. Those of you with your hands up, how many of you have actually addressed and resolved that dispute directly with that person. I’m hoping that your hands are still up. If not, this post is for you.

Lately, I’ve noticed a sort of fascinating phenomenon, one unique to the social media experiment of today. Rather than attempting to resolve issues with one another, lots of users have resorted to using sites like Facebook to post ambiguous and indirect material. Well, since I have appointed myself an all-knowing expert of social media (OK, that’s not a real title or an achievement. But let me have this one), I have compiled a few reasons why that’s generally a bad idea. Enjoy. Or not. Whatever.

1. Your followers will likely make wrong guesses about the subject of your indirect status. This one is pretty simple. When folks don’t know who you’re addressing in this vague stats, they start assuming. Some people assume you’re talking about a co-worker, others a former friend, and others still may assume you’re referring to that one chick who you claim is out to destroy you. Whatever the case, your vagueness has an ability to create a certain level of discontent and resentment among your followers toward the person they assume you’re talking about, whether they are actually the true subject or not. Getting everyone’s anger pointed in the right direction (if, in fact, that was your intention in the first place) can be prevented by avoiding silly indirect comments. Oh, and just keeping this issue to yourself and not posting it at all can work wonders, too. What a concept.

2. Indirect statuses usually create more problems than they solve. Directly related to the first point, vague trash talking on Facebook does little (and by “little”, I mean “nothing”) to resolve whatever issue you’re having with your anonymous enemy. You might feel good about posting your gripe, but you have literally done nothing to actually fix the problem. Worse yet, if the anonymous enemy wises up to the fact that the stat is about them (or, as stated in the previous point, they assume it’s about them), you’ve created a much bigger problem.

3. Intentionally or not, your indirect statuses make you look like an attention seeker. Because people are inquisitive by nature, it stands to reason that your indirect statuses will generate curiosity from your followers about who you’re talking about and what happened between you and your anonymous subject. The attention you get from that status will likely be seen as a calculated attempt to get said attention. People will begin looking at you in the same way they would a juvenile. Which leads me to the next point…

4.  …people will probably start hating you. Perhaps a better way to say this is that they’ll probably start hating the online-version of you. With that, comes a loss of respect. With that loss of respect comes a whole lot of unfriending on their part, blocking you, or removing your from their Newsfeeds (which,  if you really are being an attention seeker, is a bad thing). While you might still have a legion of followers who subscribe to your nonsense, I suspect most people will tune you out. Or, worst yet…

5. …people will stop taking you seriously. If ever there was a real life version of “crying wolf”, this would be it. By spending so much of your social media space indirectly complaining about people or problems, you run the risk of numbing your friends to any real problems you may have. Assuming, of course, they haven’t already unfriended you.

There you have it. All this talking (writing?) boils down to a simple point: if you have a problem with a person, address it with that person…or not at all. Simple.

Please make your checks payable to Andre C. Louis.

– ACL

Code Switch-A-Roo: The Challenge of Being a Black Professional

So, an odd thing happened to me at work a few days ago.

I’m in my office having an impromtu meeting with a colleague, right? When all of a sudden, I get a surprise phone call from a guy I knew growing up. I wouldn’t call him a friend, per se, so I admit I was a bit taken back by the call. This guy easily fits the bill as one of my “cousins ‘nem” – a gentle euphemism I typically use to describe fellow black people who are – how do I put this nicely? – ghetto as all outdoors. As it turns out, he’s been away for a minute but is looking to turn his life around. In particular, he’s finishing up his GED and is thinking about going to college (Endless kudos to him for wanting to do that. Real talk). He wanted to get some insight about the campus and found out through mutual friends on Facebook that I worked there. The passage of information through the grapevine of social networking. Perfect. *Groan*

Let me stick a bookmark here for a quick digression…

I, along with countless black professionals, occasionally find myself in the unenviable position of resorting to the practice of code-switching; the process by which a person alters their communicative style in an effort to more closer align with the people or settings in which they find themselves. Remember the flack Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid took when he said (then Senator) Obama didn’t have a negro dialect? Well, most black people – at least the ones with any ties to the ‘hood – have some kind of ‘negro dialect.’ It’s becomes the onus of the black professional to determine when it’s appropriate and, perhaps, sensible to turn it on and off. **End of digression.**

Anyway, back to the story. I don’t know what possessed me to answer the phone at that moment, but I wish I hadn’t. Because the moment I picked up that receiver, I bore witnessed to the paradoxical intersection of the ‘hood and white-collar employment. Due to my fateful decision to answer the phone, the two worlds I’ve worked so assiduously to keep seperated were in direct collision with one another. The very core of both my cultural and professional identities was put to the test. Do I flip the code-switch off and meet this dude’s ‘hood with my own while simultaneously running the risk of having my professionalism questioned, or do I keep the code-switch on and come across as an Oreo who has lost touch with the ‘hood from whence I came? I tell you: this is the kind of perplexing struggle in cognitive dissonance that I wouldn’t wish on even my worst enemy.

In the end, I kept the conversation brief, with most of my responses limited to one or two carefully selected words. I disguised the conversation well enough, I think, so the colleague in my office and any of my co-workers within listening range of me could’t entirely decipher what was being said. But I think I also accomplished the feat of not coming across as being bougie to this guy (not that what he thinks about me matters at all, but the next time this could be somebody closer to me). All told, I think I walked away from this one relatively unscathed. But what will happen the next time these two worlds meet is anybody’s guess.

All this time I thought drinking and driving were a bad combination. But that’s got nothing on the deadly cocktail of being black and professional. OK, maybe I’m getting a bit dramatic here. But, still.

– ACL