This, ladies and gentlemen, is the perfect way to break up with somebody:
(via)
- ACL
Misc.
Just a few assorted thoughts:
1. Have you ever been walking somewhere only to realize you were going the wrong way? Rather than simply turning around you do something like pick up your phone, tie your shoe, or make some other gesture so people don’t notice.
2. When our Nintendo was acting up, the universal rule was to blow into the cartridge. EVERYBODY knew that. Meanwhile when we have problems today, we can’t do jack without checking on message boards or calling customer service. This new aged technology has taken away our ingenuity.
3. Microsoft needs to create a font to show when we’re joking. The smiley face thing is stupid.
4. Speaking of writing (somewhat), what was the point of learning to write in cursive?
5. It’s s shame that kids today didn’t get to experience the funny Eddie Murphy. “Kill the White People?” “Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood?” Raw. ‘Nuff said.
6. Have you ever loved a movie or a CD so much that you were offended if other people didn’t share your enthusiasm?
7. Out of the 1400 songs on my iPod, I’d say that I only listen to about twenty of them consistently.
8. I’m generally pretty cautious on the road. But I’ll admit, I text while I drive. Please don’t pull me over Alan.
9. When people use “LMBO”, “LOL”, or any variants of that, are they really laughing? I’m usually not.
10. Kids who whine about talking naps have NO IDEA how precious that sleep time will get once they start graduate school.
11. Nothing is more humbling and defeating for me than that split second during an argument when I realize I’ve lost.
12. I hate when I’m doing a test with a Scantron and patterns start to form in the responses (i.e. A, B, C, D, D, C, B, A…). I think professors do that crap on purpose to freak us out.
13. Am I the only one who hates the person in the group who has to remind everybody else that they refuse to eat a certain kind of food (i.e. pork)?
14. I’m not so sure I can criticize R. Kelly for his problem with the kiddies. Nowadays, with the way girls dress and the hormonal/genetic imbalances they have, I can’t tell minors from adults myself.
15. I agree with the dude from “A Bronx Tale” when he essentially said the best way to get rid of somebody you don’t like (well, outside of whacking them, anyway) is to loan them money. Loaning them money usually means you’ll never see them again. A small price to pay in some cases.
16. Am I the only person who still gets nervous during icebreakers when we have to share our name and something about us? I should know these, right?
17. When people are telling me stories with too many details, I get bored easily.
18. Speaking of enduring long and boring stories, why don’t my non-verbal cues every work in getting out of a conversation? Slinging my backpack from shoulder to shoulder, checking my watch/cell phone, taking easing steps toward the door. None of it seems to work with some people.
19. I purposely assign certain people’s numbers with a specific ringtone so I know not to instinctively pick up if they call. I know I’m wrong. But don’t act like it’s just me.
20. I must be the world’s dumbest potential criminal, because even if I had your date of birth, your soc #, and knew your mother’s maiden name, I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with that information.
21. When I meet people online (it’s only been a few times), I have to be careful not to mention something I read on their profile unless they’ve mentioned it first. Otherwise, I look like a creepy internet stalker.
22. I hate when people get in my car and start changing the station or the CD tracks. Is that not the rudest thing on Earth? If I want to listen to Celtic Woman in the car I paid for, that’s what we listen to.
- ACL
Duane over at the Black Informant raises a complex question: In light of the dismal state of the economy, should people to stop having so many so kids? I say yes. But Pastor Voddie Baucham shares a very interesting opposing viewpoint:
I do not believe that an economic downturn is a sufficient reason to prevent pregnancy. I base my argument on four key factors. First, children are a blessing. The Bible is clear on this issue
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Second, we are commanded to “be fruitful and multiply.” (Gen 1:28; 8:17; 9:1, 7; 35:11; Jer 23:3) One of the principle purposes of marriage is procreation. Of course, this goes beyond merely having children to actually bringing them up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4) in an effort to spread the image of God (and the gospel) throughout the earth. As such, it is unthinkable for Christians to attempt to enjoy the benefits of marriage and avoid the responsibility of having and raising children to the glory of God.
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Third, any decision to avoid pregnancy has to be based on biblical reasons, and a struggling economy is not one of them. While I do not believe that there are many instances where preventing pregnancy would be “biblical”, I do believe that there are some instances where one could make a strong biblical argument for doing so.
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Read the rest of the article here.
Even though Pastor Baucham’s history of conservatism when it comes to interpreting God’s Word and its modern-day applications is a far stretch from my views on living God’s word, I think we agree in principle on this one. But I’ve always believed that subscribing to religious-based ideologies should not be done without also displaying some level of pragmatism. As I’ve mentioned before, the tone of the rhetoric found in recent townhall meetings provides me clear indication that people are simply NOT willing to show compassion toward their neighbors. In one clip for instance, I heard an attendee say to a woman and her child “It’s not my job to pay for your health care.” In the face of that reality and with the resentment growing for parents (unwed, mostly) who take advantage of certain economically-based social programs, it is my contention that people are better off not having children until they can adequately afford them.
Pastor Baucham creates his argument using both the mandate given by God to be fruitful and multiply and the blessings thereof as context. So in that respect, we agree. But in another vein, I don’t consider multiplication and fruitfulness as being one in the same. When many parents have a slew of kids that would make Bebe envious (often a product of bad parenting), they may be in a position where they are satisifying one aspect of God’s mandate – multiplying – without necessarily accomplishing the fruitful cultivation of said children. Even in environments where people may have accomplished both – bearing children and exhibiting solid parenting, the economic hardships that may still ensue don’t automatically disappear. Diapers aren’t discounted just because a person is a good parent. Formula and baby clothes don’t magically appear just because a person prays for them.
There are indeed blessings that come with parenthood, I’m sure. But they are usually not blessings of the economic variety (until tax time, that is). The blessings of which Baucham is speaking are of an intrinsic nature, not of palpability. The feeling a parent gets when their child learns to walk, their first words, the time when junior scores the game winning goal, or when the child is marching across the stage to earn a diploma are all examples of the “blessings” associated with parenthood. The actual hardships to be persevered are not included in the discussion.
I’m certainly not arguing that economics is the only thing that determines good parenting. I’m from a two-parent, mostly single-income, working class family with four brothers and sisters…and we all managed to turn out pretty good in our own ways. But I’d be a fool (or so would anybody else, for that matter) to think that economics should have no bearing at all on the decision to have children. A sundry of things – like having both parents in the household, instilling a deeply rooted sytem of values, and placing an emphasis on education also greatly contributes to the child-rearing process. But economics is – and always will be – a portion of that equation. Given that economic support for many families is largely based on social programs – programs often met with disdain from ‘fed up’ people – parents and would-be parents should take all that into consideration before the stork pays them a visit.
- ACL
Dear President Obama,
For starters, please allow me to say that you are not beholden to the black community in any way, shape, or form. Even though folks like Dyson, Cornel, and Tavis are manufacturing nonsensical reasons to attack your racially neutral approach to doing things, I think you should continue to focus your efforts on problems facing the entire nation. But, if I can go against my own word just this once, I would like to ask you to use your Executive muscle to specifically address a few problems directly concerning your cousins ‘nem. Please help us get our acts together!
1. A law should be enacted that will prohibit any black person over the age 16 from watching BET. Ever. Scratch that. This law should apply to every American. Scratch that again: No person on this planet should be able to watch BET. I’m generally not in favor of the U.S. playing the policeman of the world, but when it comes to universally banning BET, I’m willing to make an exception.
2. No black person should ever be allowed to work on Fox News (Sorry Marc. That includes you).
3. Legislation should be established to prohibit black people from driving SUVs. With GM virtually leaving keys in their vehicles’ ignitions and “Free” signs hanging off the window, I suspect that many black folks will stock up on their Yukons and Escalades pretty soon. Even with gas prices on the rise again, these rides might be a problem once again.
4. On a related note, black people can no longer be allowed to have $10000 rims on rides that are only worth $300.
5. While we’re on driving behavior, a new law needs to be enacted that prohibits us from doing gangsta leans in our cars. Ever.
6. Black people should be prohibited from putting stuff “in their baby’s names”. No child on the planet should have to live out their youth with a phone bill, a car note, and cable TV services already being charged to them.
7. Speaking of our children, a new law should be passed that will no longer allow a person under the age of 21 to conceive a child. I’m no fan of abortion, but I’m an even greater opponent of knucklehead’s having baby showers – when they’re 15!!!
8. Speaking of children again, black teenagers must not be allowed to spend more than $200 total for their proms. No more custom-made dresses, outlandish hair designs, funky nails, horse drawn carriages, or stretch Hummers. It’s a flippin’ high school prom, NOT a presidential inauguration (though Mr. President, if you came to your Inaugural Ball in a stretch Hummer, I’d disown you too. Sorry…)
9. Speaking of children one more time, black folks should legally be prohibited from giving their children crazy names. I’m sorry, but I will never hire an attorney named BonQuisha. I don’t care how good she is. I will never vote for a politician named Demareon-tay. By giving these innocent and unsuspecting children jacked up names, we’re setting them up for failure. I mean, look how hard it was for you to get elected with your name. Your parents got you good, too.
10. Any black churches that still print people’s tithes and offerings must to be closed down at once.
11. While we are on church behavior, brothas must be banned from wearing suits with jackets that have more than four buttons; that come in pastel colors; or that have matching gators, hats, and canes. Sistas must be prohibited from wearing flower hats, glittery dresses or off-colored stockings (red, green, yellow, etc.).
12. While we’re still on church behavior, any ministers who have to rely on theatrics to sell their message should be fired immediately. Hootin’ and hollering, creating new dance steps, and “Shaking the Haters Off…” must be banned from the church forever.
13. New laws should force brothas on the Down Low to come out. While I think the phenomenon is definitely overly-hyped, I don’t dismiss the reality that it does exist to some extent. The negative consequences to the black community (health issues, the disintegration of the black family, etc.) are all significantly impacted by this DL mess.
14. Speaking of relationships in the black community, black women should no longer be allowed to date thugs. Trust me. It’s for their own good. In fact, you should consider yourself extremely lucky that Michelle didn’t choose Leon the South-Chicago thug over you. Nice, kind, intelligent brothas never get the girl. You’re making history all over the place!
15. A person with functioning body parts, a cell phone, Baby Phat apparel, and freshly done hair/nails may not be eligible to receive welfare benefits. For that matter, welfare recipients must show proof that they’ve earnestly attempted to apply for work in order to stay eligible. Social programs are important, no doubt. But preventing people for sponging off the system is just as important.
16. Black people must no longer be able to watch the Tyra Banks show. I’d include Oprah in that list, but – as much as I try – I can’t hate on her. After all, she virtually got you elected. Tyra, on the other hand, is just ridiculous.
17. New legislation should be presented forcing the NAACP to disband or – at the very least – reexamine itself socially. Any organization that gives “Image Awards” to Mo’Nique and R. Kelly should lose their credentials immediately.
18. Black “leadership” should be disallowed and eliminated.
19. Jet, Ebony, and VIBE must be put out of commission.
20. Fried chicken must only be served at one function every six months (unless it’s Crystal’s. Then, we may have to do some negotiating). Watermelon must be completely outlawed altogether. Kool Aid can stay. 
21. Giving black folks an occasional “hookup” is perfectly acceptable. After all, white guys have been doing it for years. Except the wording is a little different. Other code names for “hookups” are “lobbying”, “insider trading”, and “bailouts.”
22. The bootleg CD/DVD man must be allowed to work full time and given a salary for his hard work.
24. The FCC must never allow D.L. Hughley or Tyler Perry to do anything on television EVER again.
25. Ray J, Flavor Flav, and New York must be arrested and waterboarded for an indefinite amount of time. Just ‘cuz.
Thank you for your attention to these most immediate and pressing issues of national security.
Sincerely,
ACL
Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Perhaps I’m a little tipsy from the apple juice I drank all throughout the night. But a few random things are going through my mind right now:
(1) When McCain/Palin and their supporters on the right moaned about the unconditional lovefest between Obama and the media, we shrugged it off. But I’ll be doggone if they weren’t right about that. Geez. Between the Obama dog, stories of Barack and Joe eating hamburgers, playing hoop every other day, and the COUNTLESS photos people keep sending me of the President in laid back environments, I’m convinced that the media REALLY IS swooning over Obama. True, he doesn’t embarass this country like George Bush did. True, he’s far more brilliant and socially refined than Bush, McCain, Palin, and most other people on the right are. In that respect, having a President with sense and refinement is refreshing. But how does ANY OF THIS translate into job performance? Bush was the most idiotic president in the history of all civilization, and he was only able to produce bad idea after bad idea. But he was also a “Get stuff done” President. Even if that “stuff” was wrong and destructive, he got it done. If Obama could combine his own intelligence/social grace and Bush’s ability to get stuff done, he’d be the greatest leader in history.
(2) Speaking of the Obama administration’s inability to get stuff done, what exactly does Joe Biden do with his time? God, maybe Sarah Palin’s ignorance of what a Veep does is justified. Honestly Sarah, I dunno either.
(3) Since the Palins are on the brain, David Letterman was wrong with his jokes about the Palins. On his show, he jabbed at the Palins’ recent trip to a New York Yankees game by stating that her 14-year-old was knocked up by Alex Roderigez. For one, I’ve vehemently argued that politician’s families are off limits. Even Bristol Palin (who has become somewhat of a political tool since changing her tune about how realistic abstinence is AFTER she became a paid spokesperson) is off limits for the most part. Sexism and crude behavior is consistent, whether the person being attacked is a liberal or a conservative.
(4) With the recent killing murder of George Tiller and the tragic shooting at the Holocaust Museum in DC, when will certain personalities get their conservative talking heads out of the sand and realize the impact of their rhetoric? No, I’m not blaming them (I don’t know why I can’t seem to convey that point out loud enough). But they HAVE to at least be conscious about what kinds of people are clinging on to their words.
(5) I may be mean and prejudicial by saying this, but I think Amanda Cox, a U.S. college student standing trial for killing her British roommate in Italy, is guilty as hell. I may have been a little less likely to accuse her had she not given conflicting stories of her whereabouts during the killing. Also important to note: a part of her lie conflicting story involved implications that…of course…a black guy could’ve did it. *Shakes my head.*
(6) I just heard that MC Hammer now has a reality show, further cementing my beliefs that God has the worst sense of humor to be found.
(7) I’m wrong for this one too, I know. But I have zero sympathy for the 72-year-old lady who was recently tasered. On the one hand, if a cop can’t handle little old ladies, maybe law enforcement (outside of pencil pushing or working as a dispatcher) is not his thing. But this lady was indeed trippin’ and had had no regard for the law. She got what was coming to her. I’ve seen people (brothas especially) tasered for far less. Equal opportunity tasering, I say.
(8) By his own admission, rapper Kanye West is a “proud non-reader” of books. That’s fine and dandy. If you don’t like reading, that’s on you. But then the ignoramus turns right around and writes a book. Sigh. Negros.
(9) I can’t stand the Lakers. I mean, I really, really, really dislike them.
(10) I’m going to be writing a piece on this soon, but it will be VERY interesting to see how far Obama’s offer of $108 billion to the IMF will go. I get why he wants to do it, but I’m not so sure it’s the right way to go. When I have time to put some substantive thoughts together, I plan to blog about this.
Alright, Unmitigates. Back to work I go. If you’re reading this, you need to go back to work too! Later…
- ACL
