If you haven’t quite gotten enough from Herman Cain, I’m happy to inform you that he’s back in the game again. Herman “Directa yo feetsa to Daddy Cain’s Pizza” Cain has released yet another surreal video, this time featuring a creepy little white girl apparently killing a goldfish. The message (at least one can speculate) supposedly suggests how the economy can’t survive solely based on stimulus spending from the government, using the dying fish as some kind of metaphor. I’m not making this up:
…cue the collective sigh of relief from comedians across the country. They now have job security.
So, I have something of a random thought mixed in with a confession: as old (and allegedly mature) as I am, I’m consistently embarrassed when I’m at the store and I have to buy toilet paper[1][2]. It’s even more embarrassing if I buy it in bulk, as if it’s some deeply concealed secret that I number 2.
So, one my new year’s resolutions will be to buy copious amounts of toilet paper with a boisterous spirit of dignity. So, if you ever run into me at the store and I’m loudly and boldly announcing my intentions to purchase that Charmin, extra soft that’s on sale, you’ll know why.
- ACL
[1] I guess the same can be said of condoms. From here on out, I’m done with the black overcoat and dark glasses get up. If anything, I should be given a medal for using condoms.
[2] OK, who am I kidding? I have to actually have sex first. Condoms don’t really get their fully-intended use when there’s only one side of the beast with two backs.
“Why Republicans are Full of Sh*t”, Take 4,781,571.
Once again, our dear friends on the right have proven that they can dish it out, but they can’t take it. The newest student to this reality is Obama impersonator Reggie Brown, who was recently given the boot at last week’s Republican Leadership Conference (RLC) in Louisiana. Brown first took to with Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” — likely an opening shot at Birthers. He proceeded with his routine by telling a series of stinging one-liners, taking jabs at President Obama (in first person, since he was also imitating the Prez, Anthony Weiner, Barney Frank, etc.
What started off as a performance well-received by the audience (deprecating humor mostly at Obama’s expense) turned into a litany of potshots against the Republican party; particularly the candidates vying for the 2012 nomination. After a few more minutes of jokes – met largely with heckles and moans from the audience – an event organizer proceeded to cut off Brown’s microphone and overshadow him with music…Oscars style. Another man then came on stage and escorted Brown away. See it all for yourself.
Brown told NBCChicago.com that the entire situation has been blown out of proportion, and that the reason his mic was cut off was because his time was up, similar to what happened to several other speakers during the program. He says he was invited to the after-party on Saturday, where he was warmly received and signed autographs for many of the Republican supporters there.
If anything, I think Brown was taking the high road as an entertainer. I think he was trying to be careful not to burn bridges and potentially ruin any other opportunities to have similar performances in the future. His speciality is clearly doing Barack Obama impersonations, and he doesn’t want to be left out in the cold. Smart move on his part. However, I think this went well beyond simply being an issue of time; especially when you consider the comments from Charlie Davis, RLC President and CEO in an interview with the Washington Post:
“I pulled him off the stage [...] I just thought he had gone too far. He was funny the first 10 or 15 minutes, but it was inappropriate, it was getting ridiculous [...] We’ve had a great event. Probably the only problem we’ve had was the impersonator.”
There you have it. The jokes were nice and funny when they were at the President’s expense. But flip the script on Republicans? You can most certainly expect your mic to get cut off while getting kicked off stage. Thank God Stephen Colbert wasn’t the entertainment that evening.
So apparently, an Oklahoma man was convicted a few years ago of armed robbery and two counts of shooting with intent to kill. In 2005, he was sentenced to serve 30 years in prison. However, to honor Boston Celtic great Larry Bird (jersey number 33), the man, Eric Torpy, asked for an additional three years to be added to his sentence. Now, he is living to regret that decision.
Torpy says he was “basically clowning around’’ when he asked for more time.
“I told them, ‘Look, you might as well just give me three more and give me a number I like,’ ’’ he said. “And I’ve always liked Larry Bird. And I’ve always liked the Boston Celtics.’’
But after sharing a 10-foot-by-15-foot cell at the Davis Correctional Facility for the last six years, Torpy regrets asking for the extra time.
“Now that I have to do that time, yes I do,’’ says Torpy. “I kind of wished that I had 30 instead of 33. Recently I’ve wisened up.
“That three is a big deal, you know? Three years matters.’’
Torpy will turn 33 this year and is not eligible for parole until 2033.
Sheesh. Where to start?
First, let’s consider the sheer stupidity of this. I have my share of people I admire (athletes, scholars, public servants, etc.). But you won’t EVER see me making ill-fated choices to honor them. Seriously man, WTF? Secondly, I didn’t have to read the article or view Torpy’s photo to know he wasn’t a brotha. I mean, what brotha do you know who would voluntarily add time to his prison sentence? For that matter, how many brothas do you know who would openly confess their admiration for Larry Bird? Most of my cousins ‘nem simply can’t concede to the fact that – at the end of the day – the dude really could play.
I guess it could’ve been worse, though. The guy could’ve been a George Mikan fan.
During the 2008 Presidential campaign, we all experienced a litany of weird moments in politics. After the trainwreck otherwise known as the McCain/Palin ticket took center stage and the Joe Biden Gaffe-O-Meter was racing at a fevered pitch, I was sure I saw the absolute worst and weirdest that electoral politics had to offer. Meanwhile – two years later as we approach 2010 midterms next week – I’ve been forced to eat my words. This, my friends, has undoubtedly been THE weirdest political cycle on record. Lunacy is abound.
How ’bout we take a little stroll down Memory Lane? For your enjoyment (to the tune of one of my ”Random News” posts), I present a list of some of the strange moments of the 2010 Midterm Election Cycle:
(1) Arizona Governor Loses Her Head: As you’re probably aware, the state of Arizona has been at the forefront of the immigration reform debate. In the absence of federal reform, Arizona has proactively done everything possible to kick them them dirty ’spics out address the issue of illegal immigration. Things took a strange turn during the first Arizona gubernatoral debate when current Governor Jan Brewer – trying to sensationalize the threat of violence courtesy of illegal Mexican immigrants – painted a gruesome picture of headless victims being found in the desert. Creepy, huh? The problem: none of that was true. When both her opponents and members of the media called her on the lie, she pulled the ole duck and dodge:
(2) Sigh! Those New Yawkas: The gubernatoral race in New York has given us more than our fair share of entertaining and weird moments. First, let’s examine some of the antics of Republican candidate Carl Paladino. To start, there was the moment where Paladino threatened to “take out” a NY reporter, after engaging in a heated discussion about Mr. Paladino’s mistress and their daughter:
For good measure, Paladino also took shots at the homosexual community:
But the attention-grabber for the humble host of this blog comes from a former Marine turned handlebar-moustache sporting, karate expert. This dude…sigh…this dude is on the ballot as a representative of the (Wait for it. Wait for it…) “Rent is Too Damn High” party. You read that correctly, people:
Not much more to be added here. Except, perhaps, a question: What the hell is wrong with you people in New York?
(3) ‘You know y’all all look alike…” I openly admit that when it comes to Asians, I have a very difficult time drawing distinctions. You put a Chinese man, and Japanese man, a Vietnamese man, and an Indonesia man in a line up and I’d flunk every time. But even I know the differences between Asians and Latinos. My dear Sharon Angle? Not so much.
Tea Partier Sharon Angle (currently in a very tight race with incumbent Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid) has offered up a few pretty funny gaffes this year. But none have been quite as stellar as her recent comments at local Nevada high school. When asked a question about ads where she appeared to negatively depict Latinos, Angle responded to the largely Latino crowd: “I don’t know that all of you are Latino. Some of you look a little more Asian to me.” Whoa:
(4) Bueeenos Dias, Vietnam! Speaking of Asians versus Latinos, California incumbent Loretta Sanchez made headlines during the midterm cycle by stating on the Spanish network Univision that “the Vietnamese” were trying to take her seat away:
By “Vietnamese”, she was referring to her Republican opponent Van Tran, who was born in Vietnam. *Slaps forehead*
(5) The Third Riech Rich: A history buff? A little dorky, but perfectly acceptable. Wanting to commerorate a special moment in history so as to “never forget” it? A little sappy, but also OK. Coming up with a creative costume for a party? So far, so good. Dressing up as an officer in the SS? Uh…yeah. About that.
(6) Treading in Kentucky: In the Bluegrass State, Tea Partier Rand Paul has been involved in quite a few interestingly weird campaign issues. First, he made headlines by upsetting Trey Grayson, the frontrunner in Kentucky. Then Paul made additional noise by suggesting President Obama was bullying BP and undermining free market business for bringing the oil company to bear for the disasterous spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Following that same pro-free market mantra, Paul also expressed his opposition to Title II of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, banning private businesses from discriminatory practices as they provided public services. Lots going on with him, right? Oh, it’s gets better!
In a GQ magazine article, a former college classmate of Paul’s claims that he and another person abducted her, tied her up, drugged her, and forced her to worship a fake god they named Aqua Buddha. He and his friend were said to be members of a secret society known for crude jokes and mocking Christianity. As was the case, Paul denied the accusations, but it wasn’t before Democratic opponent Jack Conway came out with a damning, yet apparently unsuccessful attack ad:
Way to survive, Paul! Now, let’s see if you have the same success dealing with supporters who beat up women. “Don’t Tread on Me. I do the treading.”
(7) Christine O’ oooh Boy: If you cringed at the thought of Sarah Palin in 2008, I hate to break the news to you: but we’ve found an heir apparent. Like Palin, Delaware Senate Candidate Christine O’Donnell emerged on to the political scene as an upstart, but has quickly become a national celebrity. But also like Palin, O’Donnell carries with her tons of baggage from the past that is resurfacing during her campaign. She crusaded against masturbation, which she likened to adultery, claimed that scientists were breeding mice with human brains, has declared evolution a myth, claimed to hear the voice of God in a previous run for the Senate, and has admittedly “dabbled” in witchcraft. These are all events from the past, and any partially astute political scientist should dismiss these storylines in the present day.
Not so recent, however, was a disaster of a debate with opponent Chris Coons when she – in full view of dozens of law students and Constitutional scholars – demonstrated her lack of knowledge of the First Ammendment. Check it:
In her defense, the Constitution do not specifically use the term ‘separation of church and state.’ However the courts have affirmed and reaffirm this interpretation for years. Even Thomas Jefferson’s writings support said separation. I don’t think Senators need to have the Constitution memorized or that they need to be Constitutional scholars. But not having even the most basic, high school civics understanding of the Constitution is pretty bad.
(8) Alvin! Alvin! Alvinnnnn!: Surpassing everything weird about this year’s political cycle has been the emergence of Alvin Greene, the Democratic Party’s candidate for the South Carolina Senate seat. As an unemployed army veteran, Greene popped up out of nowhere but was still able to capture nearly 60% of the vote during the Democratic primaries despite doing virtually no campaigning. The man gives the most horrid interviews, has had his mental stability questioned, and has apparently been indicted on obscenity charges for allegedly showing porn to a college student.
Voters of South Carolina, I present to you (and sadly, the rest of the world) your candidate for United States Senate:
As for me and my house, I predict major Congressional shifts next month. We’ll have to wait and see. But in the meantime, I rest in knowing this was one of the weirdest election cycles I’ve ever experienced. Politics at its finest.
The Discussion Board