My Practical (and Non-Sexist) Advice to Delusional Women

So, my ex girlfriend was crazy. OK, I know what you’re thinking: this post is already off to a bad start. But I’m going somewhere with this. Really, I am.

In fact, allow me to backpedal a bit here. Maybe she wasn’t crazy, per se. Perhaps a better way to describe her is delusional. Yeah, that’s it. Delusional. She spent a great deal of her time – much to my chagrin – obsessing over how much the world was against her. Being the supportive mate that I was, I did my best to comfort her, when I probably should have been telling her how bats**t crazy she sounded. My bad. But never again. I’ve learned my lesson. So to my dear lady readers, I’d like to offer the following for you to think about. Trust me, this is for your own good. If you’ve ever said any of the following things, you might need to seek help:

(1) “My [looks/money/intelligence/success/etc.] make(s) men intimidated.” Intimidated by success? Maybe, but not likely. Admittedly, there are some egotistical men who have an issue with their lady being more successful than they are. But I’m only giving you 1 out 4 here. And even that’s a generous number. Most men embrace it when a woman call pull her own weight. The last thing we want is to feel like we have a dependent to care for, especially if we can’t write them off on our taxes. I never told my ex this directly, but it felt like I was “Captain Save ‘Em” all the freakin’ time. I felt like I carried the household while she was well-bodied enough to do so as well. It was quite stressful at times. So trust me when I say: your qualities aren’t frightening or intimidating. They’re desired.

(2) “I don’t get along with other females because of their jealous, vindictive, and manipulative.” Again, I call BS. While it’s certainly true that there are a fair share of evil women out there (and evil men), can you honestly say with a straight face that every woman on the planet fits your imaginary profile? That kind of thinking has psychological projection written all over it. A textbook case, if there ever was one.

(3) “My ex boyfriends were all crazy.” Look babes. Let me give you a word of advice. If you tell guys that every single one of your mates were the problem, you’re parenthetically placing a “I’m Crazy. Run for Your Life!” sign smack dab in the middle of your forehead. Simply put: if you can share an entire anecdotal collection of bad relationship stories, you’re either lying about your innocence in these relationships or you’re implicitly suggesting you like being in bad relationships…which, by definition, makes you crazy. Either way, you’re telling us that we’re better off not messing around with you in the  first place.

(4) “[So and so] doesn’t like me because…” We’ve all run into a few individuals that don’t like us. I get it. But occasionally, when we have inner issues/insecurities with ourselves, that can quickly turn into some kind of misplaced paranoia about how the world doesn’t like us. Maybe the issue isn’t that they don’t like you. Perhaps they’re just upset about a particular thing you said or did. Maybe you had a moment when you should have turned on your filter and you didn’t. Maybe you cracked a joke at an inopportune time. Maybe you always had something to complain about while being around people who were not in the mood to hear it. Look, we all have our moments. It’s better just to level with others about what you’re going through than simply assume that people don’t like you. Depending on where you are in life, some of the people who you think dislike you may actually have the potential to be some of your closest friends. But you need to do a self-reflection, face your inner problems, and stop trying to blame people for your delusional feelings.

(5) “I can’t stand [so and so] because…” Spouting off hateful (and perhaps judgmental) comments about people makes you look, sorry to say, crazy. And evil. And bitter. Stop it. When we notice that you generally don’t have anything good to say about others (especially other females and/or your exes), we stop to reconsider our desired to be in a relationship with you. If you’re showing signs that you will have difficulty positively contributing to a healthy relationships, chances are high that we don’t want you. Who wants the added stress?

In short my dear female friends: you may have the entire world going for you. You may be good looking, intelligent, successful, driven…the whole nine. But if you have a problem getting/keeping a man, landing a good job, making or keeping friends, or obtaining any of the other things you seek in this life, maybe it’s time to examine yourself a bit. I know it’s rude for me to even suggest the following as a possibility, but maybe…JUST maybe…the world is not the problem. Maybe it’s you. Again, seek help.

You’re welcome.

- ACL

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